Remembering

Tomorrow will be a month since I gave birth to my perfect little Cinderella. So many thoughts are running through my head today. I am remembering all the births of my babies. I am smiling yet my eyes and heart are filled with tears.
I think Mini Him's birth was the hardest. Physically it was fine, but mentally & emotionally it was painful.
Walking those same corridors where almost a year before I walked knowing I was going to give birth to a very tiny, still born baby. I remember thinking to myself that it must be similar to the feeling that someone on death row has when walking to the end of their life. I thought about the movie "The Green Mile" and realised I was walking my own, yet I was walking 'The Beige Mile'. Yet this time I walked the corridors in pain from contractions.

When I finally arrived at the Labour & Delivery ward, I remember being asked if I thought I should go into a labour room or an observation room. I chose delivery as I felt like Mini Him wasn't too far from being born. I prayed I wouldn't be put in Room 3 - the room that was so very quiet. The room that the very thought of still makes me cry. The room my precious little angel was born into that bright, sunny day. How I hated that the weather didn't reflect how I was feeling. Why wasn't it raining? Why wasn't the sky dark and the day miserable? Room 3, with the big windows that at the time faced out over a construction site. Room 3, the same room I was put into when Mini Him decided to have a sleepy period over the Christmas break and required me having a few hours of observation. Room 3.

I was instead put into Room 1. Room 1 had a nice big bathtub. I had a bath in that tub when I was in labour with Noah. I briefly considered asking if I could be in Room 2. Room 2 held no memories for me. Maybe Room 2 would have been easier on me.
I remember when Mini Him was crowning and how I was, for a brief moment, scared to let him come out of my body. The last time I had a baby come out of my body I was crying hysterically and there was no other sound but crying - crying from me, crying from Prince Charming and crying from the midwife.
Eventually, Mini Him did come out of my body. I reached down and grabbed him. He didn't cry. He barely moved. He'd had the cord wrapped around his throat - twice. I was told this as he was coming out and here he was, on my chest not crying. I recall asking the midwife if he was okay. My heart was breaking again. I thought he was also born an angel. My midwife exclaimed through her joy that he was perfect and just a bit shocked from the fast birth. We rubbed him over with a towel and I heard the most amazing sound I had ever heard - The beautiful cry of my new baby son. At that moment, I felt healed.